Self-respect

Russell Howard was sad.
He was sad because his mates
at the pub told him to go away
after he repeatedly tried to show them
that video of a penguin slapping
another penguin.
He decided that his mates
were just not that into penguins.

On his walk home, and in between
sharing youtube videos to passers-by
that he was sure would crack a smile
like that video with charlie and the finger
and that video with the sneezing panda,
he would show the penguin video to them
and stare longingly into their eyes.

He eventually arrived and opened the door
to his youtube house with youtube walls
and youtube furniture and youtube rugs,
and his youtube wife ran up to him
and youtubed him on the mouth.
He'd known from the first time he'd
youtubed her that she'd be the perfect youtube.

However, this would be the fateful day that
all of this would come to an end.
word had spread of his youtubing behaviours
and google were not happy.
On this day they'd hired a truck,
and without warning his house was lifted up
by forklift and carried away to some
secret googley place google things live.

Nobody ever heard from him again.
some say he became one of those
little spots in the buffering status.
Others say he was smooshed into the
red box bit of the logo. whichever
bit of youtube he was smooshed into
we should treat this as a lesson to us all.

in order to save our children
we must not encourage Howardian
voice-overs of videos nobody wants to see.