Comedians' sets condensed into Haikus: #4 Kevin Bridges

Smug grin; wry wry smile,
words words words from scotland laugh
got bus... in glasgow

Pianohuman: part 1

He was crushed by a piano,
But it did not kill him.
Instead he got up and
walked away making these
plinky-plonk sounds.

It took some time to adjust,
but eventually people
came to see the fucked up
piano-human mushy-mess
as the Steve they once knew.
however, learning to communicate
with others would prove
to be especially tough.

His vocal chords had been
destroyed in the accident,
so he had to lift up some flesh
near the middle of face
and play a little melody
with one of his stumpy paws.

Steve had hoped that these little
melodies would soothe his friends,
but oh was he misguided.

most would scream,
many would throw up uncontrollably,
several would faint, some would do
all of these things and the rest,
the lucky few, would be unable
to hide the most ugly expressions
of disgust and hate.

For the first timers, to react
tactfully would simply be impossible,
even for the strongest willed.
Tact, it seems, would require
a human subject, and Steve
would learn very quickly that his
new functioning was not human.

And the melodies didn't even sound good.
Really bad actually. Horrible.

Comedians' sets condensed into Haikus: #3 Ricky Gervais

Karl,where are you Karl?
I need you here by my side.
nothing left; just you.

Comedians' sets condensed into Haikus: #2 Noel Fielding

Curly-wurly my
huge ego pink space egg i'm
A nasty bully.

Comedians' sets condensed into Haikus: #1 John Bishop

Blah i'm John Bishop,
I never wash dishes up.
I hate women loads

Tiny Poem

Pickled Cabbage
Set Aside
For Burn-Victims

They Swallow
With Difficulty

We Are Not Ready For Jet-packs

The amount of people who dream about flight
Is staggering, yet who can deny importance of the
Scientists out there doing their utmost to secure a future
For those of us who wish to be birds.

We must consider the safety of those who find
themselves at a great height aided by a fuel-powered friend.
In such a setting there is nothing to stop a person
From entering a dream state where thrust is self-sufficient,
and the mounted apparatus behind them
is simply an elaborate backpack weighing them down.

There is nothing to stop people from liberating themselves
from this excess material and to mistake the helpless plummet
for an Eagle-like ability to swoop upon prey. The impact,
The mess, the undesirable compound of machinery and
Human-mush. It. is. all. too. much.

We are not ready for jet-packs.